Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just cropdusted the office
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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