he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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