Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
