Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
