not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
