to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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