So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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