Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Michael Bay diarrhea
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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