my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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