While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
