She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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