My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
