Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
