I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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