FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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