I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
