she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
