She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
