We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
