he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
