Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
