I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
