the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
