Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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