I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said her name was "party"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
