im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
