Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
