Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
did i walk over a car last night?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
