it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i now understand why vodka
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
