dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
