Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
