YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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