Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
