I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
