why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
