This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i drank out of a bidet.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
