guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
