1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you traded sex for a burrito?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
