Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
