It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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