He is an equal opportunity slut.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
