Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you never un-have a 4some
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
