those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
