i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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