I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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