There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
