how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
