Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
