I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My life is pants optional.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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