She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She just used a chaser for red wine.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
