Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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