When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
