3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
